I was nervous, very nervous to see him again… And here it is today..
He arrived yesterday…O haven’t talked to him for quite a while, or we talked, but short responses…all those reminded me about Zheng… a replicate of zheng.. just that this is shorter…this seems cooler, this seems trying a bit more to stay as friend…

but I don’t think I can do it..

I was hoping, oh maybe he will come in together with Miguel to the lab, we’ll hug then… but that didn’t happen..
Then I thought maybe I’ll see him at the busstop…that didn’t happen…
finally, I saw him at the reception, and at that moment, maybe air freeze, and I just want to escape from him…
He saw him, nice enough, he gave me a hug… a hug that can actually makes me cry…I did said, I miss you. even though it’s something that I hope, or I warn myself not to say.

We chatted during lunch, talked about project, other than that, I don’t know what to say..
we chatted, then he walked away… he turned back, but I pretended to be cool, and move on..
we chatted, I sat down next to him, he moved away…and that moment, I think…maybe I should give up and quit…

we walked on the beach…and the sand hurted my leg… Andreas was the one supporting me from behind, I thought, it’s him…it’s not…
then the sand hurted my leg, I screamed a little, I thought he turned around, but that’s Anthony…
I walked away, I thought someone who scream…I hope it’s him, but it’s Miguel…

Your own memory is something that drag you down and kills you.

A year ago, roughly, in here, I left some good memories…but those don’t last.

I wasn’t happen about that facebook picture in particular.. but should I care…and no one explain either.

when he said, see you tomorrow…I thought he would really come out just for me…

there are little things between other people, that I never know…and I afraid to know…

There are somethings that left at home, and they are like scars in my heart…

I’m afraid with anyone, and honestly…maybe I only want to be alone.

Yesterday…Sining bought people over without acknowledging me in advance, and I was mad, real mad, and I ignored her.. that was impolite …. but I just want to be alone.. all the sudden… I’m really lonely…but seeing others, I feel worse.

Once upon a time, I was walking over into the darkroom developing a film…and seems like I get the same feeling today..

Things takes time to heal….. especially for a lonely person like me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: